I love Christmas! I dislike Christmas. The warring worlds of
going through the motions and the emotional trauma juxtaposed with the reason
for the season overwhelm me.
Side #1: I remember Christmas as a child and how much I
looked forward to it with anticipation and excitement. When I had small
children of my own I made Christmas a huge deal with church dramas, costumes, decorations,
manger scenes, music, and cookie making. It was glorious fun to celebrate with
my family and I loved every minute of it!
Side #2: I have not liked the weeks and nights before
Christmas for the past few years. After setting up the tree, it stands there all
lit up and glorious and I’m seated on the couch…alone. Yes, I’m playing the
widow’s pity song, but you have parents, too, don’t you? Do you ever think
about what they’re going through if they are by themselves?
Oh, my young friends with little kids, you too will have
days like this in your future. Way down the road when the children have grown up
and moved out, your husband is retired or one of you has passed away into
glory. What do you think you will do? The constant argument within yourself to
buck-up and take it like an adult or break down in tears is always present. I
fight it every single day of my current life. I make myself think of better
times with my family and of Christmas’s where we’re all home and loving on each
other. I have to constantly run to the Scriptures for encouragement and help. There
are places in my Bible that are practically worn right off the page where I’ve
read and cried and read again the encouraging words of my Savior!
I don’t know where I’d be without Christ.
The living, pulsing hands of God that lift me up out of
self-pity parties care for my soul.
The warm, calming breath of God that blows over me in the
midst of anxiety and second-guessing myself settles my spirit.
Satan’s demons scatter when I repeat the name
Jesus…Jesus…Jesus!
God is familiar with the war and wins again!
