Childhood Friends,

Somewhere between grade school and high school, kids develop very independent spirits. They want to choose their own clothes, their own mode of transportation, and especially their own friends. They seek out the crowd where they’re most comfortable and grow along with them. I think this is a normal, natural, healthy progression of events in a child’s life.

As parents, we want our kids to have healthy relationships with others. We desire in our deepest parts to have them live normal lives (or as close to normal as possible). When they begin choosing friends, we want to know who those kids are, what they act like, and what kind of influences they will bring into our children’s lives. We often want to know and meet their parents, too, all under the umbrella of protecting our children.

So what do you do when your children make unwise choices in selecting friends? What if in, let’s say, sixth grade your sweet little girl comes home with a bedraggled, foul-mouthed friend who can’t put being nice together even if it was wrapped in a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Do you tell your daughter to find other friends who are more like her? Do you question your precious princess about what she sees in this girl? Start preaching?

I know your daughter would never do this, right? Don’t be so sure. Our perfect little children do grow up to be individuals who make their own choices. We’ve brought them up that way, remember? Always saying, “You’re a big girl now you can do this” or “Be a big boy and learn to do this by yourself.” So now they’ve done that and we’re in a panic!

I’ve had four kids with four different personality types. They’ve all chosen ways of life and friendships on their own. They were always independent! So my prayers for them have been for wisdom in choosing friends and lasting relationships—basically for living their lives. I pray that they will know those verses from their childhood that say, “Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.” I pray they don’t want to have friends that are of the world so I pray for Christian friends and life mates that will honor God and will complement them. I pray for continued relationships with their heavenly Father who loves them more than I ever could. All I can do at this point is pray.

Back to your daughter with the unkind friend. Did you ever notice that kids can see more than adults sometimes? Often, a friend like hers needs to know what love truly is and she sees it in your child. You’ve nurtured your daughter, helped her grow spiritually, and been the best example of God’s love to her as possible. Now she’s choosing to show that love to someone else. So don’t shut the foul-mouthed little one out too soon! She may be searching for a friend just like your daughter, who is exuding Christ from every pore in her body!